Wanting the life that you have
We are powerful beings and creators. If you’ve ever explored The Law of Attraction, you know what I’m talking about. It’s essentially about our vast, often untapped capacity to create exactly what we want for ourselves. Woven into this theme, however, is the important acknowledgement that if we focus too much on what we don’t want or are unhappy with, we paradoxically create more of it. We put so much energy into thinking about what we’re unhappy with we actually keep the unhappiness close.
I’ve grappled deeply with this paradox in the last couple of years. As I’ve shifted and reorganized foundational pillars of my life I have stirred up a hornet’s nest of emotions. Is this what I want? Or is it more of that over there? There’s been plenty of turmoil in the midst of growth.
Thinking about this existential bind, I first realize and acknowledge that I am sitting in a place of privilege. I’m not living in a war zone. I am a middle-class white gal. I can pay my bills and support my lifestyle. My health, at this moment, is great. Do I know that all of this can change? Yes. I know. For me at least, when I think about personal expansion and growth, I first deeply acknowledge that I actually have the luxury to think of these things.
Recognizing this comfort of privilege, I think about the theme of wanting what’s right in front of me. We often have a tendency to crave something other than what we have, what’s in our midst. FOMO. In our world of massive exposure to all the amazing adventures and lifestyles of literally anyone, it’s easy to want what someone else has. Or believe that our own life isn’t enough. I am not immune to these feelings of envy, longing, or even regret at times. It’s so much easier to compare oneself to another and come up short than it is to look in the mirror and say, I am enough. I have everything I want and need. I’m right where I need to be.
What hit me right between the eyes this week is that what I have is what I asked for, what I literally created. I was circling the drain of longing, feeling battered by circumstance. I saw that I’d been caught between opposing longings and I couldn’t have both. Life basically made the choice for me and I felt the jolt. I focused on what I lost instead of what I have.
I am not a polyanna. You will not find me preaching toxic positivity. I struggle with the hard feelings of grief and loss, longing and envy. I bear witness to struggle and know that our most difficult feelings are guides for each and every one of us. I am never one to avoid hard feelings but I also don’t want to get stuck there. It’s the process of working through rather than avoiding, rushing or neglecting.
What I have cultivated in my life is the ability to return to a place of gratitude and perspective. In this case, where I am right now, today, I also see the power of manifestation. When we have opposing desires, one of those desires will naturally rise to the surface and we are given our path forward. The challenge, then, is saying goodbye to that which we can’t have. It’s a big effort to see that what we can’t have allows us to choose what is right in front of us.
For today, I see that what is right in front of me is exactly what I wanted. My job is to embrace the life that I have.
“Awaken to the mystery of being here and enter the quiet immensity of your own presence.
Have joy and peace in the temple of your senses.
Receive encouragement when new frontiers beckon.
Respond to the call of your gift and the courage to follow its path.
Let the flame of anger free you of all falsity.
May warmth of heart keep your presence aflame.
May anxiety never linger for you.
May your outer dignity mirror an inner dignity of soul.
Take time to celebrate the quiet miracles that seek no attention.
Be consoled in the secret symmetry of your soul.
May you experience each day as a sacred gift woven around the heart of wonder.
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