Transformation
What does it take to undergo a transformation?
It’s never a bad time to reflect but the completion of a year seems to invite us more deeply into this space of reverie.
I started writing this post in June. What happened? Life and its twists and turns took me in a different direction from my writing yet the word “transformation” has been a constant buzz in the background. It showed up for me at the beginning of 2023 and I took note.
There are two things I know to be true about transformation. The first truth is that we intentionally seek out new experiences, guides and mentors, or opportunities that are intended to facilitate this outcome. This may be in the form of travel, therapy, immersive group work, retreats or a behavioral change that shifts our habits and daily life. The second truth is that we will have experiences that will cause a sudden transformation, be it in the form of shock and trauma or an unexpected encounter that shifts our perspective or changes our outlook.
I am the fortunate witness and guide for many people seeking or undergoing a life-changing experience. What I didn’t expect is to witness my 16 year old daughter as she went through her own. A competent and committed dancer, she felt herself needing something more challenging. Yet, the security of her dance family, her known studio and routine were a comfort that she didn’t want to lose. She was deeply conflicted. Comfort vs. change. With trepidation, she auditioned at a new studio and was thrilled and terrified when she was accepted onto their competitive dance team. She was faced with a difficult yet obvious decision. She asked for this, she pursued it and here it was.
Change. Loss. Opportunity.
Always side by side, these things. But the true transformation came not with what I just described, but with her decision to sit down with her teachers and tell each and every one how they had influenced her and changed her life. She told them she loved and appreciated them and that she was leaving. I was awed by her courage, as I am someone who has always struggled with healthy goodbyes. This was her transformative experience, to speak her deepest truth and honor important relationships.
I watched many people end long-term unhealthy relationships this year.
I saw people grieve unexpected losses and eventually find their footing.
I rejoiced as people found love, worked hard on relationships, embraced change.
And, as always, I’ve cheered on the young people as they launch off into the world, the new moms and dads with their first baby, the many, many beginnings and endings that is the endless cycle of life and forces us towards growth.
I explored new avenues for myself as well. There was a lot of letting go this year, of patterns that no longer serve me while seeking deeper clarity for what does. I went to a 5-day Authentic Leadership training in May where I experienced intensive group work with nine other people and now have an “accountability buddy.” We meet every 6 weeks and check in to see how we’re doing with our intentions.
I joined a weekly therapy process group for therapists, which basically kicks my ass every week with a lot of big reflections. I’ve been a group facilitator in years past and to be on the other side of it has been profound and illuminating.
I found a new therapist for myself. I want to be deeply immersed in process and self-reflection. I always need growth when it comes to vulnerability and am discovering new and uncomfortable opportunities with which to find it.
I started studying Italian again. A little known fact about me is that I have an undergraduate degree in Italian and was fluent at one time in my life. I unexpectedly found myself prompted to relearn the language and have been loving my live zoom classes on Babbel.
Transformation is both intentional and happenstance. When we need it, we must seek it. At the same time, we will be given experiences that are unexpected and provocative. Meant to change us. Break us open. Mirrors for our consciousness.
My word has already arrived for 2024, the word that will guide me and inform my decisions. I’ll reveal it later after I’ve had some time with it. You may be someone who likes those first of the year resolutions. If so, GO FOR IT. Write them down, read them often, share them with someone else, hold yourself accountable. Don’t be too rigid about it, just hold these things in your consciousness. Life will lead you elsewhere and you can take your intentions with you. Trust the process.
“do not think in extremes; the answer is
rarely all or nothing. skillful action is finding
pathways even amidst contradictory options.
solutions are found by going beyond the
superficial and into the subtle. understand
that life is the integration of complexity.
everything is situational and multilinear.
find the middle path and challenge
yourself to think deeper.”
